Letter to Myself

Dear Chloe,

From the reading and writing in this class, I’ve learned a lot and grown as a person. While the readings and more importantly the essays I wrote had specific topics, they were jumping off points for me to reflect later on much broader topics. I thought a lot about morality and how I want to live my life, and I think these ponderings have lead to some useful conclusions. Additionally, as a writer I’ve learned to give myself freedom and time during my process and not to worry so much about the way things sound when it gets in the way of my ideas.

Culture Jam by Kalle Lasn really has made me think about the way I live. Usually I’m a very relaxed person and I try not to let things bother me. It’s usually easier to just not get annoyed at people or try to change their actions. For example, my dad can be very difficult sometimes, especially while travelling. He’s very slow, and takes forever to get ready to go anywhere. This means that my family spends a lot of time waiting for him. He’s also selfish and always wants to get his own way. Sometimes I get annoyed and start yelling at him and try to get him to change his ways. But this never works and I always end up angry and stressed. So I decided to not let it bother me and just try to have a good time despite being held up by him. This resulted in a lot less stress for me and made me happier.  This example represents how I generally try to live my life.

At least that was before I read Culture Jam.   This book challenged me to stop being complacent and fight against injustices. Maybe Lasn didn’t have stubborn fathers in mind when he wrote this book, but his words really struck a nerve, because sometimes I worry that I can be too easy going. It’s so much easier to be complacent. And it doesn’t make me unhappy to let others get what they want over me. However one night while deep in thought, I examined what the difference between “going with the flow” and being complacent.  One is like you're floating in a river and there's a fork in the river which both look appealing and the wind gives you a little push to the left fork. The other is like someone shoving something gross into your mouth, which by instinct you swallow. Every day someone shoves something disgusting into your mouth until you feel so full of crap that you want to burst and yet you're so weighed down you can barely move. I’m still not sure what every situation falls into or how to approach the problem with my dad but it’s definitely made me realize that I can’t always  be complacent.

Culture Jam has also made me want to distance myself from advertising. I’ve always disliked advertising, but this book strengthened my contempt and also made me realize that I don’t have to be resigned to being bombarded by advertisements. Before this class I thought that advertisements were annoying, but a necessary evil. I even saw ads as a way for great companies to make money that otherwise wouldn’t be able to. For example, I used to love Spotify a company that you can stream whatever music you like for free, in exchange for listening to advertisements. It seemed like a great answer to the problems facing the music industry because of piracy. I’d always downloaded my music for free online and felt bad about it. Now here was a way for artists to make money, even when I got to listen for free. However soon the ads became extremely obnoxious. They were loud, fake, manipulative and advertised for terrible companies like Walmart. One particularly bad ad advertised tampons by saying they were one less thing to worry about for a woman and projected the inner thoughts of an incredibly annoying woman with extremely stereotypical worries like “Why won’t Brad text me back?” and “Do these pants make my butt look fat?” Anyways, it has started to become almost unbearable and the feeling is reminiscent to how I discussed complacency being like someone stuffing disgusting things down your throat. So I’ve realized I needed to stop using Spotify and find other ways to get my music from now on.

I’ve also learned a lot about my writing process, although what I’ve learned is easier said than done.  I’m pretty sure that I am capable of writing a good essay, but I just need to give myself more time. I get frustrated easily while writing and when I get frustrated, I usually give up. But if I have more time, then I can come back to the essay later with a fresh mind and perhaps new ideas. Once you’re done with a rough draft, the last thing you want to do is go back and change things around. Unfortunately you often realize as you finish writing an essay that you didn’t focus on the right things and that the structure is all wrong. So you need that extra time to come back and change it. I also need to realize that even when I don’t feel like writing, often when I start putting things down on paper it will start flowing, and I might even be excited to try to express my ideas.

Lastly, I’ve learned that I need to always be open to new ideas, but I also have to cut out the irrelevant ideas and it’s important to know when to do what. I like to think of an essay as a balloon that I’m blowing up. I put air into it making it bigger, and then when I catch my breath some of the air comes out and the balloon shrinks. I keep doing this; the balloon expands and then contracts, expands and then contracts, until the balloon is a fully sized balloon. This is what I have to do with my essay, expand and contract until it is a complete essay. In the beginning you have to expand all your ideas onto the page. And then you might find something to focus on, so the essay contracts. But as you focus on that idea, complications will arise. Does this idea hold in all cases? What are the counter arguments? Or maybe I’ll find a completely different topic. So I have to write more and expand. Then I realize that my thesis is good but it doesn’t fully capture my ideas or it’s not specific enough, but what I wrote in the second to last paragraph was a better thesis, so I have to go back and rewrite so that my essay follows the new thesis. I might have to do this ten times, but only then will I end up with a great essay (if I’m not too tired to proofread). This shows why it’s essential to give myself enough time to write the essay.

Overall, I learned a lot more than I expected to from this class. I’ve always really hated writing, because it’s very hard for me. But it’s hard because it makes you think, and there’s not always a clear-cut answer. With a math problem I know what process I have to take to get the answer, and I can always get someone to explain to me how to do it if I can’t figure it out. But writing is ultimately a personal thing.  You can brainstorm with other people, but in the end it’s your own ideas that go down on that page, and learning how to express yourself is a very important skill to have.  The harder it is to write the essay, the more I’ll ultimately learn from writing the essay. I know that I have lots more to learn, and that I will probably misstep in the future when applying these lessons, but I’ve come a long way.

Great job!